I'm saying goodbye to my bosoms, my lolas, my fun bags, my givers of life, my baps of milk. They have served my babies well and now they are waiting to deflate back to their shrivelled up pancake-esque former selves. I am not a fan of breasts I like being flat and boy-like, so breast feeding for fifteen months has been purely for the baby and not for me in any way shape or form. So, I'm just going to give myself a little pat on the back and call myself a trooper, because it has been a time of great personal conflict.
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| Perfect! |
I love to run and exercise and eat healthily - breast feeding definitely makes my chest ache when I do cardio (even with two bras on)and gives me the most almighty cake craving ever. Don't get me wrong - and please don't take my moaning as advice - breastfeeding is nutritionally perfect for your baby and convenient once you get the hang of it, I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to be able to breastfeed as some women can't for many reasons. While some women really enjoy breastfeeding, the closeness, convenience, (some even find it sensual!) but for me, it just felt like another job towards raising a baby, like the nine months of carrying in my womb, I would much rather not do that part of the baby thing! But it's for the best, so I did, and now it's done. I feel rather sad, hormonal, very guilty and (when the mastitis and swelling has subsided) I'm sure I'll feel relieved. It's been a week since I stopped, the toddler was not really that interested any more and I just want my body back. I've been pregnant, recovering from pregnancy and breastfeeding non-stop since January 2009 Along the way we've had a miscarriage after the first scan showed the baby's heart beat was too slow, I needed surgery after that which added to the heart wrench. Six weeks later we were joyfully married and on our honeymoon we were delighted to discover we were pregnant again, but it soon turned out I was having an ectopic which didn't get sorted until I'd gone into shock and my body started shutting down - despite four visits to the hospital that week! I lost my right fallopian tube amid a huge kerfuffle and panic, it was incredibly traumatising and made the beginning of married life really emotional for all the wrong reasons.
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| Shady Characters - the teen and the baby |
Then my beautiful third baby arrived with an infection and needed intravenous antibiotics, so we had to spend a week in hospital on the Jeremy kyle Ward at Queen Alexandra Hospital, the midwives were wonderful, the other inmates were not, then four weeks later I was readmitted when I had appendicitis and had to have more surgery to have the appendix removed! I took the baby in with me and fed him round the clock despite being completely dehydrated and confused, the only break I had was when I was at theatre for three hours! .
I know that is a lot to be sharing with everyone, but I need to justify what I am doing with myself and yes, this breastfeeding lament is a cathartic blog, a laxative, a colonic for my soul. Thankfully though, everything has been going well for our little boy who has been strong and healthy since his early beginnings, we worked long and hard to get where we are today and even though I feel sad to stop breastfeeding, I think I deserve a little me time now.
On the bright side - I just bought these!
And these! You can't tell that I have a Napoleon complex at all, can you?
If you are still breastfeeding and would like some advice, then please check out La Leche League International breastfeeding support for mothers. Or check out Portsmouth's local branch here:
http://lllportsmouth.blogspot.com/
