The Challenge of Being A Cool Mum

Granny I'd Like To.... What?

The teen turned fourteen last week and all was well.  She abandoned the idea of a beach/Southsea common party in favour of a very modest little gathering round at our house.  It was just lovely, as I got to keep an eye on them, but didn't have to be involved in everything as they  all stayed in the front room and I hid in the dining room with the food (no pig bone gelatine silver balls this time, bleurgh) and the baby.  Once the baby went to bed, I was able to let my hair down.  Mutton dressed as spam territory or what? Well, they were playing Just Dance on the new Wii and it looked like a lot of fun.



I was an embarrassing fool, shimmying like a geriatric hamster on speed, but luckily the teen has got passed her "Mum, stop it will you?" stage and now encourages me to let out my inner goof ball.  The teen, she is a goof ball too. Is it wrong to "shake it like a Polaroid picture" together?  Or to try (and fail) to do the "running man?"



 What's wrong with attempting to robot dance with a fourteen year old?  Is it bad that my favourite dance move is stolen from Johnny Bravo? Stick your butt out and pump those arms! I have sprung that move on the whole of Southsea, from Little Johnny Russells to The Wedgewood Rooms and everyone finds it funny.  But I can't help feeling that I am getting to the point in my life where it is just a little bit "sad."  I don't want to be a muttony mother and so I have abandoned band t-shirts - because the teen has started wearing them, but I still love fashion.

I spent my younger years trying to look older (damn those youth preserving Asian genes) as I really did feel quite ashamed when people would say, "You don't look old enough to have two children."  Even though, back in Sarawak, twenty one is not such a young age to have been settled down.  A generation ago, it wouldn't have been a problem either, but the other mother's I was networking with when the older two were born were at least a decade older than me.  People made judgements, I know they did, because I did and still do too.  So, I've always had to work really extra hard to bring the children up nicely even though I just wanted to let them run wild.  It worked, they both remember to say "please and thank you " most of the time.  And they are both recipients of academic scholarships.  The teen recently received an honorary Arthur NockScholarship in recognition of her outstanding academic progress during Years 7 and 8 of senior school.  I just hope she keeps it up and  that I don't embarrass her.

I'm a moody Scene kiddddd

But now when people say "Oh, you don't look old enough to have such grown up children," the paranoia has crept in.  I am sure they are saying it out of politeness because they think I am dressed like a wannabe wacky "scene" kid and am sporting more make up than Jodie Marsh's dressing table in an attempt to look younger.

Molecular structures really get me going

The eleven year old is mildly autistic, but he was always just treated as a naughty child. I know that teachers and other parents would look at my son's behaviour and then look at me, and presume that I was young, lower class, uneducated and dare I say it?  Foreign looking, so they presumed that that was why he was the way that he was.  But stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, I knew it couldn't be down to nurture because my daughter was continually top of the class and attending one of the finest academic schools in the country.  I knew it was down to nature and I had a fight to prove it.  We've got there, but it's hard to stay true to yourself.  It's hard to prove yourself in a world where people are expected to conform and judgements are made based on looks and class.  To top it off, I write like an adult and I am well spoken, but I talk like an American teenager with a British accent, "You know like, I was walking down the street and I saw this like car, and in it was my Mum like and she was like, "How are you?"  And I was like, "I'm fine, like, how are you?"  Like, like, like, like, what?  I wish the like habit would just like off! Aaargh.  I am trying very hard not to talk like that any more, but it's very hard, when did it creep so readily into our language?

There is a very fine line between cool mum and sad mum.  I don't want to be either, I just want to be a good Mum, who has a good relationship with all my children. That is the hardest challenge of all, to be a friend, but to be firm and fair.  The best way to do that is to surround your children in love, give them plenty of encouragement and try to help them to empathise with other people.  Actually, no, that is not the hardest challenge of all, the hardest challenge of all is trying to get a kid with Asperger's to show some empathy!

Guest post | The pros and cons of reusable nappies by Aqeela

I am delighted to have enlisted some other blogging parents from British Mummy Bloggers (take a look - Dads are welcome too) today is the turn of Aqeela a 26 year old housewife and Mum to a one year old little boy, she has aspired to live the green life since before it became "fashionable." 

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN BY AQEELA FOR HER BLOG: http://aqeelas-house.blogspot.com

on TUESDAY, 11 AUGUST 2009

The pros and cons of reusable nappies.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant I felt determined to use re-usable nappies. For me, the main bonus was the lack of waste involved. We live in a very disposable society, we are so wealthy that we struggle to find the justification for being frugal (unless it comes into fashion as it is doing now… but that’s a whole other blog post!). So the fact that a household with one baby can fill their rubbish bin half full each week with just nappies alone horrifies me.

As well as saving on waste (and 50 million disposable nappies are dumped each year in my city alone), I knew that buying re-useables would also save us money in the long term. Of course in the short term we needed to find a lump sum to buy a whole load of nappies (that’s where our very generous family stepped in Alhamdulillah) but over all the cost would be far less, even more so if we go on to use them for our next child or children insha’Allah. But in all honesty, cost wasn’t really a motivation for taking the re-useables route.

Disposable nappies are made of a combination of paper, super-absorbent chemicals and plastic. It could take hundreds of years for the plastic in disposable nappies to decompose, not to mention all of the methane and toxic gases which are being produced by those piles of used nappies as we speak. I don’t want to dump my problem on to the next generation, and the next, and the next. And as i don't use any chemicals on my own skin, i wouldn't want the chemicals in a disposable nappy rubbing against my baby's pure little bottom either.

My husband was much less enthusiastic about all of this; he was concerned about the extra stress of washing all those nappies every day, and then trying to get them dry in our tiny and sheltered garden. But I persisted, did a lot of research, and brought him round to my way of thinking. Go Aqeela!!!

I wasn’t concerned about the extra amount of work involved in taking the ‘green option’. Pah, another load of washing in the machine every day, I'll have bags of time! Id much rather put all those future generations before myself!! (Currently rolling eyes at my naivety in my perception of how much free time I'd have – or rather not have - with a baby in tow).

So I went to a local 'Re-usable nappy specialist' to find out more. It was great to have a real person to speak to and to be able to ask questions about the nappies and the benefits, the down sides, the different styles and types, and the different brands. Much easier than spending hours trawling through websites. (In the UK, if you go to your local council website they should be able to give you information on this). After this, I went home to hubby to speak really fast in excitement and show him a million Google images and websites. I was 100% convinced that this was the way forward for us.

After much research and discussion we went for the Tots Bots brand and bought the ‘birth to potty EasyFit’ bamboo nappies. We chose bamboo rather than cotton as the bamboo towelling is a natural material which is more absorbent and faster drying than conventional cotton towelling. If it’s faster drying we’ll take it!

So, what’s the verdict I hear you ask?! Ok, for online reviews of Totsbots nappies look here… Tots Bots Review. For my opinion, read on.

Tots Bots Nappy Day Pack (Stage 1, Aplix Fastening, White Cotton) £42

What nappies did you use?Tots Bots birth to potty EasyFit’ bamboo nappys.

How much were they and where did you buy them from?
£232 for 20 nappies, a roll of nappy liners and a potty. I bought them from Natural Baby Shower.co.uk - They were the cheapest I found, even cheaper than the Tots Bots site, and the service was great – I think the nappies arrived in 2-3 days.

First impressions?
Nice looking and well made nappies (Extra bonus – they are made in the UK). Fun colours (I was worried that the lilac was a little girly for Dave but they look just fine when they are on).

Are they easy to use?
It took me a few weeks to really get used to them; however that’s much more to do with me being a first time parent who had never changed a nappy pre Dave. You simply put the booster pad in a sock like pocket which tucks inside the nappy, then place under baby’s bum and use the Velcro to fasten. There are 3 sets of poppers on this nappy so that it will fit from age newborn up to 3 years when your child will probably be potty trained.

Will they really go all the way from birth to potty?
I believe in terms of manufacture that yes, they will last for a few years, long enough for a couple of children or more id say. In terms of size, they were a little big on Dave (born relatively big at 8lb 1 oz) until he was 5 weeks old. Then they were more snug. When he reached about 10 weeks old we moved onto the middle set of poppers. I have a friend who had her 2 and a half year old in them and they fit fine on the maximum size setting.

Have they ever given your baby nappy rash?
Never!

Do re-usable nappies leak?
I’m afraid they do! Not all the time, probably once every 3 days to be honest. However, I do find that my sons vest is slightly damp around the edges between his legs, where the dampness has spread from nappy to vest. This has happened nearly every time ive come to change his nappy.

As for night-times – don’t have your baby in these nappies over night. They leak, big time! Almost every morning my son would be lying in a damp patch. My friend who used these nappies with 10 month old twin boys also had the exact same problem. Instead, i now use these nappies at bedtimes – they are disposable, but are biodegradable and chemical free. Even the packaging is 100% biodegradable. They are available worldwide. And I give them 5 out of 5 for everything, they are great!

How often do you need to wash them?
I have 1 child, 20 nappies, and wash them every other day.

How long do they take to dry?

The same amount of time as any other washing.

Do they smell?
They don’t smell when your baby is wearing them, or while they are waiting (in my case 48hours) to be washed. They do smell when you have to open them all up and unfold the booster pad as you are loading your washing machine! Its slightly annoying that you have to unfold these dirty nappies, it takes about 5 mins just to load the machine and its a bit of a dirty job. Id much prefer to be able to just chuck them in the machine and go.

What do you wash them with?
I wash them on 60 degrees using bicarbonate of soda. I fill the fabric softener department of the washing machine with distilled white vinegar and about 10 to 15 drops of essential oil (usually eucalyptus) which freshens them in the final rinse.

Do you have to soak re-usable nappy's?
I don’t soak the nappies before hand, unless it was a pretty explosive poo! (In which case I wash under the tap, and leave the wet nappy with all the other dirty ones ready to be washed later.)

Do they come clean?
They do. On the odd occasion that they stain, the sun will bleach the stain right out while they dry on the washing line.

Overall, how many stars would you give the Tots Bots birth to potty EasyFit’ bamboo nappies?
3/5

Whats your verdict on re-uables per se?

Go for it - the positives outshine the negatives. Im so glad ive done it this way.

There are definitely lots of reasons for and against using washable nappies.  Let's hope Aqeela has helped shed some light on the subject.  Thank you Aqeela!