I am super busy at the moment, trying to upload and photograph all my new stock before Christmas which means I'm not able to do any writing this week. But my very lovely friend Mumra has kindly leant me her favourite and most popular post for all of you to enjoy.
It's a very funny and thought provoking article, you can read more of her fantastic blog here:
So, without further ado, I present to you:
"The older I have got the more I have realised that I suffer from something I can only describe as limited social skills. It is not that I am not good with people, I am. Having worked in some sort of customer/client based job for nearly all my adult life I've had to be.
I also have friends, honestly I do. I love those friends dearly and I love their children. They are people I want to talk to, talk about, ask about. Strangers and new people I just don't deal too well with.
I'm lacking in certain areas. It is mainly because I don't like a lot of people and I'm not very good at covering it up...I'm not a confrontational person don't get me wrong. I'm just not very good at faking interest or appreciation.
This has become more of an issue for me since having Tabitha-Lo. At parenting class Jay and i would sneak in and sneak out. We sat at the back, whispered, giggled and made up stupid stories about the other people in our group. The only thing we got from the class was not to turn up to the next one and hope no one noticed.
I am aware we sound like really bad people, we are not. I can't really prove otherwise right here and now but please take my word for it.
My first morning i went to clinic getting Tabitha weighed i sat with my head down playing about on my iphone. Other mums were chatting about night feeds, telling birth stories. I was texting Jay telling him 'I am in hell'.
I know I need to address it, I want Tabitha to be a social child with lots of group activities to attend and I will have to take part in the school gate chatter at some point. It is so hard when you just don't care.
''Your sons how old? Does he sleep through? hmmmm reallly? Yes I know......Zzzzzzz. Sorry my head just fell off.''
Random people who approach small children in buggies are another issue for me. I get a lot of comments on Tabitha when we are out. I know its because she is a cutie and she blows raspberries but seriously! This is my shortlist of offenders....
1. Grannies who smell of wee or sherry and grab her face and call her a 'poor thing'.
2. Grandparents who fill you in on their grandchild/child ratio.
3. Teenage girls who say 'Oh My God How Cute!!' a lot.
4. And worst of all the parents who talk via their slightly older child 'look at the baby, isn't she lovely, say hello'
I'm really sorry but when i had a baby i did not sign up for a lifetime of walking round with a fixed grin and a pocket full of happy chat.
Some people will think I'm harsh or a miserable moody cow.
I'm really not I'm just out buying bread and milk."
By Mumra August 2010
So, how do you feel about well wishers poking their sixpence worth into your day? Do you swell with pride and enjoy the attention? Or would you rather the ground just came along and swallowed you up like Mumra? To be honest, I was Mrs Anti-Social of Anti-Socialville until I had child number three recently. I had decided that the best way to have a quiet and happy life was to avoid people at all costs. So, day in day out for about two years, the only time I went out was to go to the post office to deliver my parcels. I only communicated by text, sent emails and I developed an aversion and irrational fear of using the phone!
|Cup of tea and a cry anyone?|
I realised it wasn't the way forward when I became so bad that I couldn't even take a call from my own Mum. So, I started to force myself to go out to social groups when I was preggers. And yes, I sat in the corner, nursing my cup of tea with a tear in my eye, not speaking to anyone for the entire bumps and babies groups. Who wants to do that? I certainly didn't. Of course, so many groups were like that and they didn't need to be.
So, I realised that the only way for me to get better was to turn things around and be the opposite of how I felt. I made it my mission to make sure that no other new or pregnant Mum, was sitting in a room that I was in feeling like she was invisible or her baby was screaming too loud. So, that's what I did. I harnessed that acting training as Mumra suggested, got my groove on and made it my mission to be the annoying happy friendly one.
|Start the day with a Boudicca Cry!|
After a while it stopped feeling like acting and became natural. I now actually feel like the gregarious fearless teenager that I used to be all those years ago and if there's an invitation for anything - I'm there like a shot. I also find that food or wine being on offer helps a lot.
So, fill us in, what are your social fears? How have you coped with the unwanted attention and cooiness that comes with having a gorgeous baby, that no one ever thought to tell you about when you became a parent?