Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Guest Post by Mumra Blog Please Don't Hate Me - I didn't Sign Up For This!

I am super busy at the moment, trying to upload and photograph all my new stock before Christmas which means I'm not able to do any writing this week.  But my very lovely friend Mumra has kindly leant me her favourite and most popular post for all of you to enjoy.

It's a very funny and thought provoking article, you can read more of her fantastic blog here:

So, without further ado, I present to you:

Please Don't Hate Me. I Didn't Sign Up For This

"The older I have got the more I have realised that I suffer from something I can only describe as limited social skills. It is not that I am not good with people, I am. Having worked in some sort of customer/client based job for nearly all my adult life I've had to be.

I also have friends, honestly I do. I love those friends dearly and I love their children. They are people I want to talk to, talk about, ask about. Strangers and new people I just don't deal too well with.

I'm lacking in certain areas. It is mainly because I don't like a lot of people and I'm not very good at covering it up...I'm not a confrontational person don't get me wrong. I'm just not very good at faking interest or appreciation.

This has become more of an issue for me since having Tabitha-Lo. At parenting class Jay and i would sneak in and sneak out. We sat at the back, whispered, giggled and made up stupid stories about the other people in our group. The only thing we got from the class was not to turn up to the next one and hope no one noticed.

I am aware we sound like really bad people, we are not. I can't really prove otherwise right here and now but please take my word for it.

My first morning i went to clinic getting Tabitha weighed i sat with my head down playing about on my iphone. Other mums were chatting about night feeds, telling birth stories. I was texting Jay telling him 'I am in hell'.

I know I need to address it, I want Tabitha to be a social child with lots of group activities to attend and I will have to take part in the school gate chatter at some point. It is so hard when you just don't care.

''Your sons how old? Does he sleep through? hmmmm reallly? Yes I know......Zzzzzzz. Sorry my head just fell off.''

Random people who approach small children in buggies are another issue for me. I get a lot of comments on Tabitha when we are out. I know its because she is a cutie and she blows raspberries but seriously! This is my shortlist of offenders....

1. Grannies who smell of wee or sherry and grab her face and call her a 'poor thing'.
2. Grandparents who fill you in on their grandchild/child ratio.
3. Teenage girls who say 'Oh My God How Cute!!' a lot.
4. And worst of all the parents who talk via their slightly older child 'look at the baby, isn't she lovely, say hello'

I'm really sorry but when i had a baby i did not sign up for a lifetime of walking round with a fixed grin and a pocket full of happy chat.

Some people will think I'm harsh or a miserable moody cow.

I'm really not I'm just out buying bread and milk."

By Mumra August 2010

So, how do you feel about well wishers poking their sixpence worth into your day? Do you swell with pride and enjoy the attention?  Or would you rather the ground just came along and swallowed you up like Mumra?  To be honest,  I was Mrs Anti-Social of Anti-Socialville until I had child number three recently.  I had decided that the best way to have a quiet and happy life was to avoid people at all costs.  So, day in day out for about two years, the only time I went out was to go to the post office to deliver my parcels.  I only communicated by text, sent emails and I developed an aversion and irrational fear of using the phone! 
Cup of tea and a cry anyone?

I realised it wasn't the way forward when I became so bad that I couldn't even take a call from my own Mum.  So, I started to force myself to go out to social groups when I was preggers.  And yes, I sat in the corner, nursing my cup of tea with a tear in my eye, not speaking to anyone  for the entire bumps and babies groups.  Who wants to do that?  I certainly didn't.  Of course, so many groups were like that and they didn't need to be.  

So, I realised that the only way for me to get better was to turn things around and be the opposite of how I felt.  I made it my mission to make sure that no other new or pregnant Mum, was sitting in a room that I was in feeling like she was invisible or her baby was screaming too loud.  So, that's what I did.  I harnessed that acting training as Mumra suggested, got my groove on and made it my mission to be the annoying happy friendly one.  
Start the day with a Boudicca Cry!

After a while it stopped feeling like acting and became natural.  I now actually feel like the gregarious fearless teenager that I used to be all those years ago and if there's an invitation for anything - I'm there like a shot.  I also find that food or wine being on offer helps a lot.

So, fill us in, what are your social fears? How have you coped with the unwanted attention and cooiness that comes with having a gorgeous baby, that no one ever thought to tell you about  when you became a parent?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. My lovely friend reminded me yesterday of the quote I always used to display on my webspaces after she read this post. It was printed on the front of my Sass and Bide t-shirt, which I have now sold on eBay. It was this:

    "Polite conversation sits on the edge of my soul like a sad song waiting to die in death's dance."

    Because THAT was how much I hated small talk! My how I've changed in just a few short years.

  3. i sympathise; with a triplet buggy i developed a technique of buggy running to prevent people standing in front of me going 'awwww'. as for the mummy/baby groups, i was almost totally excluded from them; a mother of a single baby suffering did not want to be made to feel worse by sitting next to me! the only groups i have ever felt truly comfortable with are those groups where we have come together for a purpose other than being 'mummies and babies'. i recommend that approach for anyone; go somewhere where the focus and the point of the meeting is not actually to adore babies and talk poo, and the event seems to be much more satisfactory.

  4. Hi Grit!

    Oh my goodness. Those triple buggies are people magnets, bet you couldn't walk three paces without being stopped in the early days. Still the extra length must have made it easier just to run people over!


Please leave a comment - I love to hear from everyone and follow other people's blogs back!